Saturday, November 29, 2003

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"I promise I'll always be your friend."+++
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Friday, November 28, 2003

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You backstabbing bitch. I hate you.+++
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Thursday, November 27, 2003

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I fucking love you.+++
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Sunday, November 23, 2003

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CBbaby234: boys hate me!
CBbaby234: lol
CBbaby234: good thing im bi+++
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Saturday, November 22, 2003

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Adopt your own useless blob!

Wow.+++
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Monday, November 17, 2003

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I can't move on.

I really wish I could write what I really feel, but it's so hard.

You build me up and you break me down. I keep all this anger inside. You play those games I can never seem to win. I can feel the blood rushing through my veins and out through my fingers. All you do is make me mad. But all I do is keep returning. I try to run back by your side. I can't say goodbye.+++
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Sunday, November 16, 2003

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I want out.+++
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Saturday, November 15, 2003

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burning
Your soul is bound to the Burning Rose: The
Rapture.

"I go where my heart beckons me, and I go
with my head high. But sometimes, I get a need
until I bleed so my heart swims above my
head."


The Burning Rose is associated with passion,
intensity, and desire. It is governed by the
god Eros and its sign is The Flame, or Physical
Love.

As a Burning Rose, you can get lost in the moment
if you let yourself. You are a very physical
person, be it in relationships, work, or play.
You may be driven by your hormones sometimes,
but you know it's because you have to follow
your instinct.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla
+++
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Thursday, November 13, 2003

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Sometimes it feels like I'm just taking steps backwards.

We had to write about love today in English...

I bullshitted about how it's being able to be in the same room with someone for more than 10 minutes and not wanting to slap them. Being cynical fits me well. I could have written so many more things...

How I can still feel his skin against mine, how his kiss still lingers upon my lips, how his hands always seems to find a way to mine, how then they find a way to my stomach, how his touch is so gentle, how he holds the side of my face as he kisses me, how I can still hear the way he whispers "I love you" into my ear when I'm not expecting it...

Every second he's gone I feel it. I feel it all.

Yet, I still seem to feel so betrayed. So hurt, so empty, so angry. I keep taking those damn steps backwards...+++
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Tuesday, November 11, 2003

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"I went down to the beach and saw Kiki
And she was all like 'Euhhhh'
And I'm like 'WHATEVA'"+++
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Monday, November 10, 2003

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Some people say I don't write enough in here, or how I'm feeling...

But I don't want everyone to know what I'm feeling...

I could post some sappy quotes like,

"Words can hurt feelings but silence breaks the heart."

But he'll know I'm talking about him, for he hasn't talked to me in weeks...and he's still breaking my heart. I suppose a year will go by and he'll ignore me, I've become numb to this feeling...it happened to me once before. He's friends with all my old friends, and I bet no words are spoken of me...and if there are, it's probably just "Yeah, I fucked her" and nothing more. I bet he never thinks of me, or even pretends we happened. But I can't do anything about it...because you can't make someone care.

But if I was to write anymore about him, him, or even him. Everyone would know how I feel about it all...and that's my secret. No one knows, not even him. I could share my secrets with the world...but then they wouldn't be secrets would they?

I could write about how I was disowned from a group just because of something no one even knew about. No one really even bothered to ask me what happened, they just assumed, and assumed wrong. I was tired of living their damn lies, so I had to leave something I truly liked. I'll tell you I hated it, but I didn't...I loved it. But I'll continue to lie and say I hate it...because that's my only cover. But, I hate what they did to me. I hate how they made me feel. I'll hate it forever. I hope you never have to experience the way they made me feel, and the way they still make me feel today.

I know this is all very vague and if you don't know me well, none of this may make sense. But even if you think you know me well ... none of this may make sense anyway.

Some people think that I think I'm hot shit. Well, I of course act like I have a very large ego...but do you really think you should take people seriously who walk around saying "I'm so hot"? (I also say I have gigantic breasts...look at my chest, I wear a 34 A...If I'm lucky.) Listen to their tone of voice, not just what they are saying. If you want to know the truth, I think I'm the worst person that's ever walked the face of the earth. I should be sent to the worst hell imaginable for all the wrongs I have done. I hate who I am, and I hate who I am becoming...but sometimes I feel like there's no way to stop it. I just keep getting hurled right into something I do not want to become.

Yet, I have my happy moments. (Yay, bunnies, rainbows, ponies!) But this is the truth...or as much of it as I am willing to give.

You asked for it...
+++
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Saturday, November 08, 2003

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You know I'd die just to hold you - Evanescence+++
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Tuesday, November 04, 2003

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He makes me smile.+++
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Everybody here is living life in fear of falling out of line
Tearing lives apart and breaking lots of hearts just to pass the time
And the eyes get red in the back of your head, this place will make you blind
Put it all behind me and I'll be just fine ... Yellowcard


Columbia was good (The newspaper, journalism field trip...got to miss an entire day of school), then the Cotillion was very fun (got to see STEVE who I hadn't talked to in years...it was like a big trip down memory lane).

So many more things happened but I don't know where to start...so I won't.

That's all for now...school tomorrow. Yuck.+++
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